Dear Serendipity of 10 years ago

Wo. 26 in a months time? That's huge! Thats the age you made fun of when you were 16, thinking its over the hill. Your right about that though, what follows 26 is'nt very pretty. 27-blabla-30!

Your doing ok though, your kind of taking the round-about route for everything. For instance, remember you wanted to take up journalism, and then changed your mind and thought Medicine was your true calling? You ended up taking Engineering instead after you realized you pretty much pass out at the sight of blood. You did deal with the compassion you wanted to channelise into medicine in a different way though, you'll see. After 4 rigorous and testing years, Your not working in an engineering related job though. Your too fiery to be holed up in an IT/Software job. The Archer (Saggitarian) instincts in you meant you somehow found your way into a stream which you did'nt know of until you took it up. But it does give you a rush, Presenting to an audience of Senior Professionals, knowing what your doing counts for something gives you that adrenaline rush you love.

Oh, btw, Abhi and you didn't work out. Neither did most people you thought would. I cant believe you thought everyone who dated one year and above were serious enough to get married. Were you that Naive? Of course you were! You wanted to 'save up' for your husband, thinking of words such as purity, virginity and steadfast love were reasons enough. Well, hang on you did. Not that it matters in today's world anyway.

You know that guy who you were introduced to, who you though was a nerd-bomber cause he'd be studying in the library all time in the 11th standard when the rest of the world was bunking and having fun? That guy you barely even said hi to, and who wore shorts with socks and floaters just like you and that's the only thing other than his dimple you noticed about him? He grew to be one of your bestest friends, the guy you almost married, and then the friend you miss. Life sure is strange.

Do you remember being every body's buddy, the 'cute' one, but never 'sexy', and secretly wishing sometimes, maybe sometimes its the other way round? Do you remember your baggy trousers, short boyish hair, careless attitude and gruff unpolished tomboyishness? That you thought you'll always be the 'boy' in the group, the one whose always slapped around on the back and challenged to a basketball game? That sometimes you wished you had long pretty hair and made a guys head turn as you walked into a room? I got news for you. Your hair grew out, and you lost weight and boy did you make some heads turn. It was like a makeover story gone right. Well, almost. You still guffaw and burst into peals of unconfined unabashed laughter when you feel like it and vociferously let your opinion be known. A Leopard cant change its spots?

TBC...

A Reality Check?

Was well overdue. I very excitedly exclaimed my new found poker and teen patti abilities on the facebook world, fueled by a recent winning spurt on Diwali day. 'Beginners luck shigginers luck' I told myself, 'you won by sheer talent woman'. Now a person like me dismissing beginners luck or any kind of luck is extremely justified given the strokes of (un)luckiness Im usually thick in the midst of. You know the person who waits in line for an hour to reach the ticket window and it shuts just when its her turn? Or the person who will make 7 trips to a government office, each time rejected for different missing documents, or the person who always plays Housie or cards and never wins? That's me!

[To be fair, I did win 5 bottles of citra in kids housie one time when i was 10, and another time i won a pair of plastic cockroaches for my rendition of a brilliant Hindi poem. (I thought they liked it?)] Heck, I was Memory game champ in Delhi and I STILL never won birthday party memory games - you know the one with the tray covered with 10 items and you have a minute to look at them and recollect? My all-Delhi champ status suffered a heavy bruising by these childish birthday party games. Its like Miss India losing in a Miss Lokhandwalla competition or something. [well, not exactly but you get my point.]

So, the point being that My initial assumption of acquisition of supreme poker playing skills were trashed (rather badly) when I cleaned out my first bank in a matter of 20 minutes. Clearly playing at 20 blind is an expensive affair with pots reaching the magnitude of 1500 rs in no time. I stared wistfully at my chips, long gone, and doing the rounds in other peoples kitty. Fortunately I lacked the courage of taking another bank immediately, choosing instead to be a spectator for the last two hours of the game. phew.

Must watch This video - Gus Hansen, known to be a reckless Poker player, and one of the highest poker pots in the history of the game. I feel ashamed missing my 500 bucks.

Unsaid but heard

Its like I can almost FEEL my blog glaring at me, angrily shunning typed words and loving caresses on the keyboards with arrogance. 'Check the number of drafts you have', I feel as though its saying back to me. 'I thought we were friends!'
Im here now, and thats what matters, Im saying. No?
'But Your the unquestioning, non judgemental part of my life!' I hear myself saying and then I do a double think. Is it really the case? Am I really in a place (or link) which is unquestioning and non judgemental? Am I putting myself out there for people I dont want to find out about me to know all about my life?
'You thought about changing the link, dint you?' My blog asks me, in disbelief. Im almost afraid to answer.

I don't know why Ive been away. Its not as though things have been tremendously bad, or gloriously blissful. They sort of evened themselves out. A great day, followed by a terrible one, followed by a mellowness of sorts. I still felt the need to keep to myself, to not give off myself and hang on tight to myself.

I have a bunch of questions to ask and things to say and thoughts to unload. To be continued...

You know your not the only one...

Whose Losing track of time when your friend calls you excitedly, half asleep and wishes you
"Happy birthday!" when its a month away, assuming its December.

I feel better already!

All you need

.....To cheer up sometimes is Chaai, cheesecake and an old friend.

Its easy to tell the months I had the most work from the frequency of blog posts, in inverse proportion. More the work --> fewer the blog posts. A cursory glance at the archives now tells me that last time this year, work began dwindling slowly, but surely, reaching an all time low nearing the first quarter of the year (J-F-M) and slowly building up again. August has been the busiest month so far, apparently. Well, I can credit that to the exam that I took which completely devoured my waking hours.

Right now is a strange state of existence. Euphoric markets, Burgeoning Gold prices and the overall positivity in a revival has overtaken the conservative and cynical mindset that had crept in. Good news is everywhere, the unemployment level in the US, where it all started is looking up, growth ratios are rising and inflation is finally over the negative level. Now is the turn of the people who missed the bus to lament. I'm already hearing the 'Damn, I shouldve invested in the stock market in March (it was at 8,000 - the lowest since the last few years)' or 'I should've looked at buying a house the rates are bound to increase at some point' (they already have). Shoulda coulda woulda.

It started with the optimists who had invested at 21k levels going near bankrupt, then came the smart Alec's who stocked up even at 8k levels and didn't let market sentiment cloud their judgement, and now finally the last kind, the "I shoulda's". I'm of the opinion that weigh the pros and cons one must, but at the end of the day also have a heart for a little win-lose situation, else it is better to stick to safer (low return) investments for the faint hearted.

Citing my own example, I took a huge risk by investing a significant amount of money right before counting day [declaration of elections]- a decision that was critiqued by many. However given that I had a balanced portfolio with a backup safety net well in place, I went ahead and took the risk. Turned out well in my favor (sensex has grown 5000 points since) but I can see the difference in the way I'm handling my account. The initial boldness, the quick decisions and snap actions have given way to reserved deliberation, more informed decisions and a more thought out strategy.

I wonder whats in store, some people assure me a correction is on its way. Book profits now and buy again on dips, I'm told. But then again, this coming from the same people who told me to wait till after the election results since the sensex tanking was but a certainty then. Others say the only way now is UP. Buy and Hold is their mantra. I, on the other hand am caught on a fence between both. I'm not a fan of getting caught up in short lived market sentiment and riding the wave of exhilaration unless its backed by strong fundamentals fueling the growth, and neither a fan of being far too conservative and losing the opportunity in the process.

I'm a DIY (Do -it-yourself) girl. I've navigated investments and the unknown territories of life with enthusiastic fervour and optimistic anticipation. I've taken responsibilities for my mistakes and (more than enough) credit for my good decisions (which is to say I've relentless made sure they remain top-of-mind among my people). I've pored over my ITR's and understood long and short forms in my account documents. I enjoy the complete command over my finances and personal life, both. Which is why you can imagine how unsettled I feel when I'm unsure what to do.

You'd think one would get enough of losing one phone a year. And then for some reason, you feel the need to outdo your expectations and lose another one. In-less-than-a-year. Although there were near-misses many times in the past year. Remember this guide? Turns out, it doesn't work if you drop your phone in a parking lot. (Who would've thought eh?)

I've come to believe that I need to staple my belongings on my person in order to retain them. How else can I explain losing the one item i check for furiously every fifteen mins in a wildly neurotic fashion? Incredibly upset doesn't even begin to describe how I'm feeling right about now.

Every time I figure out a way of making sure I don't lose it in a moving vehicle or a restaurant, a new explored territory (e.g. parking lot) takes me by surprise, or the item rotates (remember this?) Among the many mysteries that engulf my everyday life are why I'm insistent on losing important, expensive and impossible to recover things. Why cant I just lose simple things like hair clips and pens. (Err No, wait scrap that, I do those already).

After reading this, I can no longer claim to be 'fairly responsible', and the boy has taken it upon himself as one of his key 'to-do' things to remind me of every few hours (minutes). I'm still trying to figure out suitable come-backs as currently, I have nothing that can fly. Any help in this department will be greatly appreciated via honourable mentions on blog and oodles and oodles of free publicity and increased blog hits. (I'll tell all 4 people who read this blog to visit yours).

To add to my already morose mood, Patrick Swazye passed away. He was one of my first crushes (Not counting Nick Carter of the backstreet boys uggh) and had a goosebumps inducing, flip-flop stimulating, voice and smile. The scene where he runs his finger down her hand? Can picture it with my eyes open. Patrick, for being the first man who made me want to dance with a boy *like that* and for being a complete dreamboat, You will be missed.